Open letter to Pianos Become the Teeth

Hi,

this is my first open letter to a band. I should google how it works exactly, but my battery is low and I am currently sitting 4 m from the charger.

I am writing you in the name of the most respected Czech music blog among our parents, 4 friends and other 12 people that read this blog on a regular basis. First, congratulations Kyle, you can sing! Second, please stop.

I am sure that you all know what you are doing and you were aware what the effect on the people that like your music would be after the release of Keep you. To make a long story short – I am disappointed in a way that I never imagined I would ever be. Not because of the fact that you made me read a Pitchfork review for the very first time (well, also a little) in order to see whether I get it all wrong, but fuck it – I am disappointed because I never experienced such a downfall of a band I like.

You probably don’t give a fuck, but let me explain it to you anyhow. I am 29, I have a brain and a penis. I do not know which of this three aspects makes it impossible for me to appreciate your latest musical efforts, but you accomplished the mission, which was started by Mars Volta’s Octahedron, continued with La Dispute’s Rooms of the House and ended with you guys. Great bands finding out that they can make fluffy music. Let me tell you one thing – we do not listen to you because you make fluffy slow music! There are a billion other bands that make bullshit generic indie rock.

To make this short story long again, let me take you on a journey. During my studies I used to download buttloads of new music every week. It was not difficult to find something you rely to and that you like, because you had the time to listen to piles of shit and find the diamonds in it (The Lack Long After in this case) – again: because you have the time. Back then I did not pay much for the music, I simply took it from wherever I could find it. Now, a few years later, I have a job, where I actually have to work the whole day and I do not have the time and energy to run through hours of shit in order to find a band that I like. On the other hand I now have the money. In order to give back what I was taking from the bands that I like, I support them by going / traveling to their gigs (that is becoming more and more a lie), promoting their gigs in Czech republic (this as well) and mainly by buying the records (this is still true). By not having the time and lust to go through piles and piles of crap, I just rely on the bands I like and the music they make.

Well guess what – I made the mistake by preordering Keep you in August. Who would have thought that you go all indie soft-kitty mellow. I listened to Hiding, I even liked it, but I thought that it was just an experiment. I went through the comments on your Facebook site and was surprised how positive the feedback is. It is nice that you are going for a more approachable sound and you want to probably earn money with the music, I also can understand that someone likes what you do now and you do not want to get stuck at the same spot for years and go all rolling stones, but it is like with the girl you liked when you were young. As soon as she cut her hair, gained a few pounds here and there, started wearing trousers instead of rocks, quit smoking, stopped liking anal and bought a blind cat you somehow stop seeing in her what you saw before – which does not mean that someone else would not fall in love with what she became. Nothing against guys who are into fat chicks! And nothing against progression – there are certainly also examples for the other way round in the world of girls and bands. But not in the case of your latest record. In conclusion this is the feeling I have with you guys – you Jessica-Simpsoned me.
jessicasimpson
This is a meaningless farewell. I do not want my money back, I will keep the record and the t-shirt as a pathetic memento. I will always listen to your old stuff. But from now on, I will never preorder something from a band I like without listening to it.

Goodbye
Jakub Pechacek